Star Trek/ EE


Created by Harrison White, contributed by Kyle Gerdes, IceFerret and Hylian Girl. Originally posted in V1.0 of EE forums. Never finished.

Eddie: Cupboards...the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Apartment EE. It's ongoing mission, to explore strange new dimensions. To seek out new universes, new civilization. To boldly go where we just haven't gone before.
Saya: Away?
Eddie: Shh! There be chickens here!
Fred: Oh, shut up.
Karl: I'll say...what course should we take, Captain Eddie, and how hard is it to shoot the enemies?
Bob: But...But I have a date!!!
Eddie: Take her away, Mr. Karl.
Sal: Whee! Communications incoming, Captain.
Eddie: Onscreen.
Bob: This is highly unnormal!
Saya: Really?
Fred: Say, why is she here anyways?
Karl: Eddie promised a Saya comic book if she'd help fight the Khiken menace.....
[A hug chicken with a wrinkle in it's forehead appears on the viewscreen. Everyone falls back in shock, except Eddie, who leans foreword, chin in hand.]
The Khiken clucked angrily a few times before the Coolness Translator kicked in and the clucks became English.
"...have you come here?! This is Khiken territory! Leave now or we shall destroy your ship and eat the juicy, delicious worms that will feast on your bodies!"
Ensign Saya, in her monotone voice, asked, "Wouldn't you have to take us to a planet and bury us before worms would feast on us?"
"Ah, not if they were space worms!" Lt. Commander Karl pointed out.
"SILENCE! You un-feathered ones have tested my patience long enough! Arm the Cholestopedos!"

Eddie: Khicken beasts! You are in federation territory!
Fred: Actually, this is the Khicken Universe...
Karl: Uh-huh. Can we fire?
Bob: It would be most normal to attack the aggressors.
Eddie: Lower the shields. Mister Saya to the Transporter room.
Saya: No way!
Sal: [Whispering to Saya] There's a Spiderman Comic by JMS down there.
Saya: It MUST be MINE!!!
Eddie: Mr. Bob, come with me. Fred, take the Conn.

Eddie: Ensign background character 1, beam us down to that planet.
Bob: what are we doing! We need to get back! I have a date.
Eddie: And so does the Apartment EE... with the Khiken Commandant.
Bob: But...
Eddie: Engage ensign.
Bob: Whose this guy with us?
McCoy: d**n it, I'm a doctor, not a comic character!
IP: Logged
"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes." - Behind Blue Eyes, The Who, Who's Next

[The three of them beam down to the planets surface, where they are immediately taken hostage by Khiken Warriors.]
Eddie: You Chicken Bastards! I'll have you for dinner.
Khiken: You would like that, wouldn't you, Captain Eddie of the Apartment EE...
Bob: I have a date! We can't "go down to the planet." I need to go get ready.
[All of a sudden a fourth party member in a red shirt is shot at and falls to the ground. McCoy bends and uses his medical tricorder.]
McCoy: He's Dead, Ed.
Eddie: Hmm?
McCoy: The klingon son of a
Bob: Date date date date date!
All but Bob: Will you shut up?!

Khiken Warrior: Captain Eddie, we will let your Apartment go, in exchange for your life.
McCoy: Don't do it!
Bob: Let's just go home!
Khiken Warrior: Silence fools! Drop your weapons, we have our Cluck Beams locked on you.
Eddie: Vile and honourless feeders-from-ground.
Bob: What?
Khiken Warrior: You know nothing of honor, non beaked one.
Other Khiken Warrior: Let us shoot the infidel.
Khiken Warrior: No, He'n, I claim the right of Peck-oo-death.
All Khikens: (shouting) Peck-oo-death. Peck-oo-death.
Eddie: Readings, Mr. Bob?
Bob: What is going on! not normal! Date!
McCoy: d**n Khiken anatomy. We don't know enough about them yet, sir.
Eddie: We accept your rite of Peck-oo-death, Khiken.
Khiken Warrior: Then step into the field, and prepare you beak?
All Humans: (shocked) Beak?

[The Khikens and the crew of the Apartment EE both pulled back and began to ready themselves. THe Khikens shined their beaks for the rite of peck-oo-death, whilst Bob looked down into a tricorder and read the information out loud.]
Bob: The rite of Peck-dd-death. Khiken rite of honorable duel to death by pecking each other very very hard with their beaks.
Eddie: Very well. Attach a prostetic Beak.
Bob: What?
McCoy: Yes, sir.
Khiken Warrior: Hu-mans, have you no beaks of your own that you must forge one crudely? I peck at you.
Eddie: Bad chicken!
Other Khiken Warrior: That's Khiken.
Bob: Enough already, let's go home. I have a...
All but Bob: Date. We know!

[Action sequence.] For three days the Khikens and the humans split up. Bob keeps complaining about having a date, while he adjusts his glued on ears so they don't hurt so much. McCoy works with Eddie on a training schedule, and prostetically attaches a beak to Eddie. They use cardboard cut outs of Khikens and practice pecking them.
On the other side of the Planet, the Khikens fight again and again, building their strength up. Then they use the two other days to polish their beaks into a shining chrome colour.
Then the day of truth came and the two sides faced off, Eddie and the Kihken Warrior approached each other. The battle began and Eddie pecked the Kihiken back. The Khiken drew a Laser Ray-Beak and shot wildly, missing with each blast. In response, Eddie drew out his mallet and slammed the chicken many miles into the planets crust. Everyone drew back, with a gasp.
IP: Logged
"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes." - Behind Blue Eyes, The Who, Who's Next

Other Khiken Warrior: what is this weapen that this human has brought upon us. is this allowed in Peck-oo-death?
Khiken Judge: [checks rule book] the use of anything but ones beak and it's abilities are not allowed in Peck-oo-death. This human must be terminated. Bring out the kluckdevil to terminate these feeble human.
[the doors to the arena were closed, but a mysterious large door opened with an ominous shudder. the ground began to shake with a low rumble. the rumble gradually became greater, accompanied by loud stomping noises. As the creature came closer, they could hear low noises coming from within. the group drew back with slight fear. Eventually, a horrible monster emerged from the door.

All the humans/Khikens stared at the Monster. It had uh, big teeth in a ridiculously large mouth, claws and beady little eyes, and as far as I know, everything else was covered in fur. He looked at the khikens, and explorers
Monster: Dooshna
Saya: What the heck is he saying?
Eddie: Quick Karl, the translator!
Karl: Sure thing.
Karl turned on a crazy looking device built by Eddie, in the middle of the monster talking
Monster: Dood
Everyone: What?
Karl: It thinks were dudes?
Eddie: Maybe it thinks were Doodoo.
Monster: Food
Everyone: Oh!…WHAT?


Sorry, it was never finished. If any of the original writer's have e-mails or URLS they wish for me to link to here let me know, and if anyone for some reason feels like writing on it they're allowed.